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Thursday 02 August 2007
And the Ugly
The Good. (There are 2 Goods!) 1. In the last month I've had quite a few PAYING, CREATIVE WRITING gigs. Wowsas. Being paid for what is my very deepest darkest need to do. Being paid for what I studied for years, for what I have several degrees for, for what keeps me awake at night with words, misunderstandings, deletions. Fan=freaking-tastic.Saturday 10 June 2006
Implementing a New (Honesty Is the Best) Policy
Yesterday, I read a heartbreaking post by a New York friend about the death of her beloved dog. Her husband couldn't even bring himself to blog about her passing except to reference his wife's site. As I read it, I truly did grieve for my friends and realized that I only knew them as dog parents. Their daughter was born after I moved away but, because I knew how they were with their dog, I've always known they must be amazing parents. As I thought about my friends later in the day, my narcissism set in.continue reading "Implementing a New (Honesty Is the Best) Policy" »
Sunday 21 May 2006
Yesterday
There have been moments in the last month when I was so tired or distracted that I truly cared for nothing. It's been difficult having to deal with pharmaceutical failures which lead to having to change medications. Although I publicly have focused on the accompanying diet restrictions that came with my new medications, in reality, my personal focus has been on the fear that if these medications don't work, I could soon suffer a psychotic break that is impossible to come back from. Right now, it has just been distractions, difficultly writing, horrific nightmares, and the occasional lost moment or two. Yes, even during this attempt at brutal honesty, I am trying to sugarcoat things for you. Or, since I am still banned from eating sugar, perhaps I should coat it with some sugar-free supplements? The only reason I'm bringing any of this up is so I can tell you about yesterday.Monday 08 May 2006
Playing Chicken with Insulin
I am in the process of changing several of my medications which is always more of a PROCESS than a process. It requires multiple blood tests, multiple English-to-Spanish medical dictionaries, and multiple hours of fun contructing pyramids out of all of my pill bottles. This latest changeover has the potential to wreak havoc on my pancreas and kidneys and to cause insulin shock. My doctors adopted a very serious tone when giving me my instructions for beginning my new regimen. They started telling me that I would have to carefully monitor my blood sugar levels ("yeah, yeah, fine") and eat every 2 hours ("uh, okay, sure") and I had to avoid all sugar, including that from fruits ("gasp!") and alcohol ("the horror!") until my blood sugar is stabilized. And just what am I supposed to eat if I can't have fruit and vodka? I started to question the gravity of this issue. I am on four different narcotics plus a dozen other medications... could two butterscotch disc candies really kill me?Thursday 04 May 2006
Untranslatable
"When I think not you can show me just because he was going. I wish police think many strawberries. Why did you say that? Strawberries need to be cleaned. Police are only dirty if they want to be. I will eat strawberries. Dont say that. Just funny haha Think but days away." Huh?Tuesday 18 April 2006
People Who Don't Need People
When I lived in New York and I started to share a subway passenger anecdote, I would usually begin with "So I was in the last car on the N train..." (or 6 or A or XYZ train) and the immediate interjection from my friends would be, "You were in the last car? What were you doing in the last car? Don't you know how unsafe that is? There isn't anybody in the last car!" to which I would reply, "Yes, the last car because there 'isn't anybody in the last car' because, you know, I hate people." After a few years, I devised a shorthand version of this exchange and would answer the question before it was asked: "So I was in the last car of the N train - you know, because I hate people." To which my friends would smile and nod, "Yes, yes, we know. Go on..." Three cities and an emigration to Mexico later and I still hate people.Monday 10 April 2006
Ahh, The Good Ole (Crazy) Days
Last night, while the Casa Lobo Verde gang and I watched the sexy math movie, Proof, I found myself getting nostalgic. No, it wasn't for that time when I proved a theorem about prime numbers being past their prime. I actually got all warm and fuzzy as I remembered how easy it was to be crazy.... you know, except for the whole being crazy part. Before the powers-that-be conspire to lock me up, let me explain...Saturday 14 January 2006
Not So Loca Aqui
The walk from my house to Ed's for band rehearsal should only talk 15 minutes at most. It takes me almost 30 minutes. Schizophrenia slows me down... or rather, schizophrenia takes me on a detour. The two busiest streets in Zihuatanejo, laterals with medians and tiered lanes, stand between my house and Ed's. To help pedestrians navigate these two streets, there is a pedestrian bridge over each avenue. Using them means not having to wait for the traffic to ebb and not having to walk 6 blocks out of your way to get around the medians. For me, using them also means complete terror.Sunday 01 January 2006
You Should Have Given Me a Wool Sweater and a Copper Pot
I celebrated the New Year with friends and with hope for the opportunity each January brings for us to begin anew. Tonight I will sit out on my terrace and celebrate more quietly, with hope but also a bit of fear and a lot of exhaustion. Even though it is an arbitrary date - and for most people it is simply a chance to get wasted and to make empty promises to themselves - for me it is a loaded holiday as I share an anniversary with the earth's orbit around the sun. Seven years ago today, a bread truck slammed into the side of the taxi I was riding in. I didn't know it for 2 more months, but that was the beginning of all of THIS.continue reading "You Should Have Given Me a Wool Sweater and a Copper Pot" »
Sunday 18 December 2005
Pants on Fire
I said, "You can't trust people with mental illnesses. They're liars."She gave me a very bemused glance, "Oh really?"
"Really. Not about everything, just the stuff affected by their mental illness. But yeah, I'm a liar."